My life seems to be a constant battle between being obsessed with food and dying to be thin. One day I’m making a Pinterest board of all the clothes and outfits I’ll wear when I undoubtedly DO finally lose those last 10 pounds and the next day I’m literally on the verge of tears because the ice cream machine at McDonald’s is out of order. Holidays are probably the worst time to have this intense hate/love relationship. Luckily, I’ve picked up a few tips through the years to get through the season without having to wear a muumuu by New Year’s Eve.
Tip #1: Erase all food searches from your internet history
Might as well erase any saved photos or links that are food related as well. Trust me, they’ll only betray you in the end.
Tip #2: Try to avoid all routes that may pass near any fast food restaurants
I still blame the fact that I lived down the street from a Wendy’s for 4 years as the reason I’ve never been able to fit back into my high school jeans.
Tip #3: Unless you’re a monk, cleanses and fasts are the worst thing you can do
If you’re anything like me, you go about 8 hours into a cleanse feeling GREAT. Then hour 9 rolls around and it is a terrifying time full of anger and fear and googling what it feels like to starve. I usually end up eating much worse than if I would have just not bought the 80 dollar juice fast on groupon.
Tip #4: If you must indulge in take out, have it delivered to your neighbor down the street
At least you’ll get a work out in while running to get your pizza before it gets cold.
Tip #5: Stay away from the accountability partners who are usually apart of your indulgences in the first place
My best friend and I like to attempt to go on diets every 3 weeks. When we are busy during the week and on our different schedules, our conversations go something like this:
“You go girl!”, “SKINNY LADY! We are going to be so hot!”, “CAN’T WAIT FOR OUR TRIP TO CALIFORNIA! BIKINIS!!!!!”
It’s when we are together and all we can do is talk about how good a cheeseburger would taste our conversations go a little more like this:
“I DGAF it’s too cold for bikinis anyway.”, “I WAS SO GOOD THIS WEEK!”, “YOU DESERVE THIS!,” “DIET STARTS MONDAY!”
Tip #6: Remember to shave and exfoliate before stepping on the scale!
Every pound counts! (Unless you have a great rack or terrific ass, then my professional opinion is those pounds should NOT count against you.)
Tip #7: Organic desserts taste like shit
Sure, I’ve had a couple gluten free brownies that were edible but if you’re going to do a dessert just TREAT YOURSELF. Don’t waste the calories on avocado based cookies.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a dietician or a size 2 by any means. Take these with a grain of salt. But not actually because sodium causes bloat. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!